shifting and evolving

I've been reflecting today and realizing that I want space for personal exploration--and exploration of love and peace in the world.

In needing both spaces, I've created a new blog space for more personal reflections on my own life and search for personal peace.  It will be at seekingpaz.blogspot.com and I'll continue this space for larger reflections and thoughts about the world...

I like the feminist concept of "both/and" and I realized that I need space for both!

So...check out the other blog for *more* on body freedom and exploring freedom from fear.  Stay *here* if you want a surprise!  I'm not sure what will continue here, but I hope something will.

Paz & Amor.

the body love map

Soooo...I’m exploring different aspects of love these days.

My, my.  As you can see from my last post, I've been dealing with some sadness.  I've been trying to trust the universe, and feel at peace that (as my friend told me recently) "everything works out perfectly."  I do feel at peace in my heart, though sometimes I still feel sad, too.

I like to contemplate and explore peace and love on a global scale, and then to examine these concepts on a local and even personal level.  These days, I’m thinking more about personal peace and love, and I think that’s okay.  I meander between thinking globally and considering what I have the ability to change and influence in my life. There’s the possibility for both, but right now I recognize I have some personal work to do.  I have some personal peace and love to explore!  This is exciting!  

After the “40 Day Fear Cleanse” I mentioned in previous posts, I have decided to continue my own 40-Day practices.  According to Christine Arylo and Gabrielle Bernstein--and apparently yogis--it takes 40 days to change a habit.  

At the end of the “40 Day Fear Cleanse,” Christine and Gabrielle suggested we create our own “road maps” to freedom.  They suggest on this road map, we consider emotional freedom, relationship freedom, financial freedom, and body freedom.  I think this sounds like a brilliant idea for continuing on a practice.  Originally, I was thinking I would work on relationship freedom first.  However, given the recent end to my romantic relationship, I’d like to re-focus on something I feel more capacity to change right now.  I’d like to focus on body freedom!  Oh, what an area for focus!  And what a topic to write about, as this is one topic that makes me turn into myself quietly and not want to write.  This is a topic that (when fear takes over) makes me cringe and shrink.  

BUT. That is why it’s my super hot new topic for exploring self-love and peace for the next 40 days.  Body love and freedom!  I'll let you know what I learn.

sad

so now I just feel sad.

really sad.

so our dreams don't match up.  and that means we have to move on.  and i understand and accept that.  but right now i'm so sad.

my heart is hurting.  i guess that's what happens when you open up your heart.  sometimes it hurts a lot.

i am trying to trust the universe and believe that everything will be okay.  i believe it will.

just sad...

little ones and dreams

I'm inside and I need to be outside.  I'm going there soon.

Overhead a quiet song is playing that sounds like it should be French.  I think it's in English.  I look outside and I see sunshine and leaves sparkling in the wind.

I just played with my dear friend's little son, and he hugged me repeatedly and made my heart melt.  I adore little kids and I don't get to be around them nearly enough.  I'm so thankful to be an auntie, and I hope for more little ones in my life.  (Hurry up friends, and have more babies!)

There are ideas flowing and bouncing around in my mind right now.  Dreams are simmering and bubbling over in my brain.  I'm excited and inspired.

Other ideas, sadder ones, are clouding my mind a little.  What happens when you truly care for someone, but your dreams are different?  If this someone is a friend, you can just encourage one another...and support one another.  But if this person is someone you share a romantic relationship with, it becomes more complicated.  My heart and mind waiver between logic and emotion.  I hoped so much that this would be someone I could grow and explore life with...but he doesn't want what I want...and that's not fair to either of us.  I have so much fun with him and adore him.  Why must life be so complex?

When I think about my heart, though, and what I want, I have to choose my dreams right now.  I have to choose this future that I dream of...  In the meantime, I will appreciate day-to-day and happiness and all the blessings in my life.  I will appreciate this good man who has made me feel special and happy.

And I will be true to myself and love myself and have faith that everything works out perfectly; that the universe is abundant and what we all need will come to us if we choose authenticity and kindness and are open to the possibilities.

I choose love.  I choose honesty.

In this case, I choose to love myself and my dreams.

Paz.

Is it fear? Or logic?

Day #2:

Goodness, this relationship freedom is complicated and wrapped up with fear for me.

I started out the day thanking the trees and the leaves for being green and breathing in the muggy, cool Anchorage summer air.

This morning I spent a few minutes watching a vlog from Gabrielle Bernstein about letting it be.  Relax.  Trust.  The universe will take care of you.  Listen to your ~ing or your inner wisdom and she will guide you.  She will guide you and take care of you.

So, I'm trying, and perhaps fear is showing up for me in the form of logic?  Are logic and fear different?  Are they the same?

I don't know, but I do know that sometimes it feels safer to keep a distance and to stop something or some relationship before it has the chance to hurt you.

I choose to be open to love and I release my faith in fear.  This is my learned mantra.  I'm imagining white and pink glittery light opening up my heart to possibility and to trust.  I promise to be true to myself no matter what, as well.

What will happen?  I just need to trust.  I'm trying...  It's tough.

Love and peace.

i choose love

I'm revising and revising...

This blog started out so large in its scope, and now I just want to explore love and life...  There are so many things I want to write about--so I leave myself the space to write and explore all of them.  Right now, though...right now, what is important?

I just finished a 40-Day Fear Cleanse--which was superb.  It was led by Christine Arylo and Gabrielle Bernstein and I highly recommend it.  I didn't think of myself as a particularly fearful person, but something...my heart...my gut...told me to sign up.  I did, and I'm so grateful for the learning that ensued.

The end of the 40-Day Cleanse involves committing to oneself.  Committing to continue exploring freedom within one of four areas: emotion, relationship, body, or money...all areas where fear tends to surface in our lives.  We have been directed to choose one of those areas and focus.  (I have trouble focusing sometimes.)

I'm starting out, though, with relationship freedom.  I'm trying to gently work on areas of my life that could use more love...more light... and I know relationship freedom is one of those areas.  I'd like to use this blog to work on the other areas, as well...  And so, we'll see.

Right now, I've been guided through the cleanse to seek spiritual practice, self-love promises, and support.  I'll start there, and keep you posted.

So, for now.  Freedom, love, peace, and kindness...  These ideas, these concepts reside here with me.  Along with them resides humanness and authenticity...the recognition that we struggle, and that struggling is a part of life ...  it helps us grow and learn.

This is it.  It's time to begin...

Peace and love.